Monday, September 5, 2011

Ward Smiles

            Our friend Allen asked Brian and I share our journey about Ward this past Sunday night at his church. Allen is the pastor of Braswell Baptist church and he and the church have been praying for us. It was an honor and blessing. I do have to admit I broke down on the Friday night prior to speaking. I asked the Lord is this too soon? It feels so raw. I knew in my heart I could not pass a chance to testify of my Jesus and His faithfulness. The little church is so homey and sweet. When you walk in the members make you feel like family. I took notes for what I wanted to share and NOW I feel the Lord leading me to blog about our journey and share what I shared with the church. I realized after Brian and I spoke what we have been through with Ward is unreal. You can see Gods hand all over. I am humbled beyond words that He [my Lord] picked us to go through this.
            Last June Brian and I went to Honduras on a mission trip. Our first mission trip together. It is a very poor place with lot's of people in need. One day we had been out on the flat bed trucks taking food bags up into the mountains. The people in these remote, middle of no where villages would see the flat bed trucks coming and run out to greet you. They run out of huts with dirt floors. Some with shoes and some none. As we came down off the Mountain that day I had a though go through my head. I wondered where the Lord was and if He was who I believed Him to be. I HATE to share that but, it is part of my story. Seeing the sadness and not being able to do enough was too heart breaking. So, when we get home from Honduras we had news of a surprise that fall. Baby #4. Planned by God not Kim and Brian. When I was 19 weeks pregnant we went to find out the sex of our #4 baby. Our family came with us so we had a room full. After finding out the news of a baby boy my mom ask the tech " So everything is ok" She said no. She asked everyone to leave the room and told us she would have the doctor talk to us. I don't know much what he said. I felt numb. Our doctor sent us across the hall to the special dr. He showed us on another ultra sound that  showed too much fluid on his brain. He said it could go away or it could continue to increase and we would need to have a shunt put in when he is born. He asked us if we might want to think about terminating the pregnancy. My heart hurt so bad at that point I wanted to get out of his office.
          The next day I took the kids to school and went home. I just wanted to be alone with the Lord. I wanted to ask him to heal my baby. I was sick to think this baby could be in pain. I knew at this point the maker was the one who could take care of our baby Ward. I wanted to ask Him and I wanted to remember the times in my life He had be faithful. I wrote it down that day after carpool. I felt the words in the verse. Psalm 91:4 He shall cover you with His feathers and under His wings you shall take refuge. I had no idea at this point the refuge I would find. I had a hard time talking to friends for some time. I am so thankful for all my sweet friends who gave me the time I needed. They would text me sweet notes that made me cry and feel so loved. We went back every few weeks to find more and more fluid on Wards brain. Those days were so tough. I wanted with all my heart to call my family and give them good news. I remember after one visit the doctor said the baby's head looks like it's getting pretty big. That same day the nurse told me she had never seen as much fluid as we were seeing. I got in the car to drive home and I just felt like I wanted to run. I wanted to get away from all the visits and the bad reports. I prayed and felt the Lord say "I got this Kim" Peace came over me. I was able to find joy in the midst of a storm. The Lord gave it. On another visit one of my doctors told me to find something to do to take my mind off things. He said like "crack pecans". I was thinking do you know I have 3 kids?? I have always loved to write so the Lord put it on my heart to start a blog. I always pray and ask Him what He would have me write.  My heart was a blog that would point to Him and give Him glory. I could feel the Lord give me the words to write and I found strength in sharing what the Lord put on my heart.
             My pastors wife sent me a blog of a lady named Shannon Milsaps. I found Shannons blog and could not believe what I was reading. She told of going to Africa to minister to mothers who had chose to save there babies. You see if you have a baby like Ward in Uganda, Africa they believe that your cursed. The only way to break this curse is to throw the baby in the river and kill the baby. There is a hospital in Uganda that can do a shunt surgery, like Ward has, and can save the life of the babies. She was going on this mission trip in June. I emailed her and told her our story. She emailed me and said she would like to come pray over me. She came to my house many times and put her hands on my pregnant belly and prayed for me. The Lord sent her to me. She told me the Lord could heal Ward and she believed that. Her love for the Lord was so deep. I was so encouraged by her. The Lord sent Shannon to me and she is now a very close friend. She came by my house the other day and showed me pictures of her mission trip. Someone gave money in Wards name for a baby to have a shunt surgery. She told me how she held the sick baby and loved on her. I sent a book of pictures of Ward and Shannon gave it to the little babies mama. The mama had a smile as she looked at Ward and might have had some hope for her little girl. So Wards story touched a woman in Africa. I am humbled.
               I know now as I look back and remember my thoughts coming off that mountain in Honduras. I feel as if I am a different christian today. I know where the Lord is. He is right here with me. If I ever question that again I have a little boy who looked up at me and smiled for the first time the other day. Jesus is who He showed me He is. He has held me when I felt weak. He is my all and all. I feel many of those people in the mountains of Honduras would give testimony to that as well. My friend gave me a little sign for my birthday that said" Great is thy faithfulness on it". Oh, how those words go so deep in my heart. Tonight I held Ward as he was sleeping and I just pulled him close as my heart just swelled with love for him. I told the LORD how thankful I was for Ward and I told Him for the first time I would do it all over just to have my Ward!!!!